Surrendering to the Process

Today I picked up six prescriptions at the pharmacy. I have not cumulatively picked up that many in the last ten years. I received a flu shot (those that know me know how needle resistant I am!), and tomorrow morning I’ll have one of these pretty little gadgets surgically installed into my chest. I haven’t even shared much about the bloodwork, heart testing, meetings and consultations I’ve been through this week. Monday morning I’ll be sitting in the cancer center receiving my first dose of chemotherapy, which will initiate the next step in my healing journey.

Can one ever be ready for something like this? I doubt it. I considered tip-toeing in order to delay my start by one week, however the advice I received and my own intuition all pointed to starting as soon as possible. Sitting with the anxiety and unknowns of the treatment is probably worse than the treatment itself.

My father flies out on Saturday to be with me for the first week. I have a crew in place to help with meals and extra rides, and and as far as I can tell, nothing else is preventing me from beginning.

After my meltdown post on Tuesday, I received some very, very powerful, healing and support energy from so many of you. I continue to be deeply touched and infinitely grateful for what all that I am receiving. One friend guided me in a visualization healing journey connecting with spirit, an unveiling process that I will speak to soon, as it impacted me profoundly.

To be a Sufi is to give up all worries and there is no worse worry than yourself. When you are occupied with self you are separated from God. The way to God is but one step: the step out of yourself.

                                               ~Abu Sa id ibn Abi-L-Khayr